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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Use
Dream
America
Right
Would
World
People
Marry
Gay

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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo. The time difference is so profound it's, like, already September in Tokyo, and I figured nobody would be able to work it out.
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It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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