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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
People
Marry
Gay
Use
Dream
America
Right
Would
World

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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live.
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
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My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is dangerous all of the time, and if it's not yet been pulled off the shelves, then it's certainly under investigation -- so there.
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I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.
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Sometimes people say, do you want a drink? And I say, oh, I'd like to, but I'm a tragic alcoholic. I always say tragic. I'm a tragic alcoholic.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
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Weird doors open. People fall into things.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
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All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.
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