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My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Break
Glands
Makes
Suspect
Didn
Suspects
Look
Sweat
Looks
Guilt
Things
Conscience
Short
System
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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