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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Book
Reader
Mean
Students
Writing
Inside
Something
Taught
Belonged
Would
Bigs
Readers
Like
Write
Weren
Didn
Realized
Thought
Looked

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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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And when Hugh would grow progressively Gandhi on me, I'd remind him that these were pests---disease carriers who feasted upon the dead and then came indoors to dance upon our silverware.
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I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!
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Hugh consoled me, saying, Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at. When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
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I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.
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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
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I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.
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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
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Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
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