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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Okay
Writer
Started
Call
Felt
Like
Yorker
Uncomfortable
Calling

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Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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Most movies, I forget about them while I'm watching them. I go every single day. But I've never thought about participating in any way. It's like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me.
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I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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