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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Would
Maturity
Thinking
Reached
Comedian
Grown
Thoughts
Child
Funny
Adulthood
Children
Assumed

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I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
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High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.
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When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.
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The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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