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In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Sounded
Lying
German
Girl
Cake
Order
Actual
Someone
Piece
Cobbler
Littles
Beginning
Cobblers
Little
Cutting
Harshness
Would
Ditch
Like
Pieces
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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