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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Dark
Things
Would
Curl
Curls
Strangers
Bought
Stranger
Hair
More quotes by David Sedaris
In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
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Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
David Sedaris
but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
David Sedaris
I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
David Sedaris
My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
David Sedaris
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
David Sedaris
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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I've maintained old friendships, like with people I knew in the nineteen-seventies, but have lost the knack for meeting new people. This has a lot to do with my writing schedule. I don't want to be disturbed, and the willingness to be disturbed is, I think, part of being a good friend.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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I don't like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don't have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
David Sedaris
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
David Sedaris
I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I'm pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college.
David Sedaris
I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
David Sedaris
