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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Live
Life
Unrealistic
Parameters
Strict
Within

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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.
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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.
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It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
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It didn't seem fair to me that Jon Stewart's rally didn't get the same kind of attention that Glenn Beck's did. Why was Beck's seen as checking the thermometer of the country, and Jon Stewart just dismissed as a satirist?
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.
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If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!
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Sometimes people say, do you want a drink? And I say, oh, I'd like to, but I'm a tragic alcoholic. I always say tragic. I'm a tragic alcoholic.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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