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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Shock
Fake
Previously
Contact
Slap
Elements
Invariably
Fear
Adding
Makes
Fashioned
Betrayal
Plain
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
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The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin Tubby Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you.
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I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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I'm not afraid to write about madness. I always figure that whatever most embarrasses you is something that everyone can relate to, really...because we're just not that different. So if you think, 'Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can't possibly talk about that,' and you write about it, the audience is gonna be like, 'that happened to me!
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If I'm stuck, I get up from my chair and I wash windows. Or... clean the bathroom. Or vacuum the attic. There's always something to be done.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.
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