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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Fake
Previously
Contact
Slap
Elements
Invariably
Fear
Adding
Makes
Fashioned
Betrayal
Plain
Shock
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
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Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
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I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend to think you just dictate your stories into a tape recorder. And I'm not necessarily insulted by that, because I think that just means that it looks easy.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
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When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal or was He rewarding me? Did He actively watch me or take me for granted like a fish you don't notice until it's floating on the surface of the tank?
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The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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