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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Mouth
Mouths
Hurt
Speak
Make
Merriment
Forced

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You really burden the reader if you put things in but, Oh, it's not interesting, but I'll put it in anyway. Then the reader's going to think, like, Mmm... no thanks. So the thing is to cut all that stuff out before its published.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again, he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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Most movies, I forget about them while I'm watching them. I go every single day. But I've never thought about participating in any way. It's like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
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