Quote

The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Walks
Hostile
Head
Landscape
Best
Shooting
Take
Generally
Trying
Walk
Pedestrian
Think
Room
Pedestrians
Thinking
Stay
Pointless
Rooms
Described

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I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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And when Hugh would grow progressively Gandhi on me, I'd remind him that these were pests---disease carriers who feasted upon the dead and then came indoors to dance upon our silverware.
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Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
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