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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Awake
Considered
Business
Enough
Mind
Accomplishment
Lazy
Staying

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But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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A history of listening to Top 40 radio had left me with a ridiculous and clichéd notion of love. I had never entertained the feeling myself but knew that it meant never having to say you're sorry. It was a many-splendored thing. Love was a rose and a hammer. Both blind and all-seeing, it made the world go round.
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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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Weird doors open. People fall into things.
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Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. Nobody. It kind of bothers me now that you have to go to gay weddings, too. I don't care. It's still a wedding. And I would give anybody double gifts if they would elope.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
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I've maintained old friendships, like with people I knew in the nineteen-seventies, but have lost the knack for meeting new people. This has a lot to do with my writing schedule. I don't want to be disturbed, and the willingness to be disturbed is, I think, part of being a good friend.
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Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.
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