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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Lazy
Staying
Awake
Considered
Business
Enough
Mind
Accomplishment

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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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It didn't seem fair to me that Jon Stewart's rally didn't get the same kind of attention that Glenn Beck's did. Why was Beck's seen as checking the thermometer of the country, and Jon Stewart just dismissed as a satirist?
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Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
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Weird doors open. People fall into things.
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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