Quote

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Live
Lethal
Work
Cleaning
Long
Miracles
Love
Discovered
Combination
Miracle
Telling
Keep
Ammonia

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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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Hugh consoled me, saying, Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at. When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.
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All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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I've never written about sex in my diary. Like if you read my diary, you wouldn't think I'm a virgin, but you would have no idea what it is that I've actually ever done.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.
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The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin Tubby Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
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