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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Littles
Little
Mouse
Mice
Swimming
More quotes by David Sedaris
I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
David Sedaris
I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
David Sedaris
Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
David Sedaris
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
David Sedaris
Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
David Sedaris
What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
David Sedaris
My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
David Sedaris
Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
David Sedaris
I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
David Sedaris
there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
David Sedaris
Such movies are always a danger...falling in love is something most adults have actually experienced...The theme is universal and encourages...unhealthy comparisons...why can't our lives be like that? It's a box left unopened, and its avoidance explains the continued popularity of vampire epics and martial-arts extravaganzas.
David Sedaris
The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
David Sedaris
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
David Sedaris
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
David Sedaris
Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
David Sedaris
... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
David Sedaris
but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
David Sedaris
I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.
David Sedaris
When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
David Sedaris
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
David Sedaris