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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Snowball
Elves
Santa
Leads
Playing
Dangerous
Game
Games

More quotes by David Sedaris

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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
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I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
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It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he put down his fork and stared at me for a few moments. A bow tie announces to the world you can no longer get an erection.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
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A history of listening to Top 40 radio had left me with a ridiculous and clichéd notion of love. I had never entertained the feeling myself but knew that it meant never having to say you're sorry. It was a many-splendored thing. Love was a rose and a hammer. Both blind and all-seeing, it made the world go round.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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