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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Acropolis
Greeks
Invented
Greek
Built
Democracy
Called

More quotes by David Sedaris

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And when Hugh would grow progressively Gandhi on me, I'd remind him that these were pests---disease carriers who feasted upon the dead and then came indoors to dance upon our silverware.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.
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I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo. The time difference is so profound it's, like, already September in Tokyo, and I figured nobody would be able to work it out.
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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
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We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.
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I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.
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High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.
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I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton of stuff going on in my life that I don't write about. If I need to write that stuff down, I write about myself in my diary.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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