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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Fronts
Front
Sitting
Funny
Underpants
Running
Strangers
Mind
Pair
Things
Pairs
Stranger

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A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.
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In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after we've had a fight. I'd have loved to rebut him sooner, but it takes awhile to look these things up.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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I don't like to read anything on the radio for the very first time, because I don't have any notion of a reaction. When I read it out loud, then I get an idea of that, and more of an idea of how to read.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
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I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I'm pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
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My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is dangerous all of the time, and if it's not yet been pulled off the shelves, then it's certainly under investigation -- so there.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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