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It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Running
Strangers
Mind
Pair
Things
Pairs
Stranger
Fronts
Front
Sitting
Funny
Underpants
More quotes by David Sedaris
The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. Nobody. It kind of bothers me now that you have to go to gay weddings, too. I don't care. It's still a wedding. And I would give anybody double gifts if they would elope.
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The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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If I'm stuck, I get up from my chair and I wash windows. Or... clean the bathroom. Or vacuum the attic. There's always something to be done.
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To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the left, Jean-Claude. I long to capture the playful quality of your buttocks.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
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In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
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God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal or was He rewarding me? Did He actively watch me or take me for granted like a fish you don't notice until it's floating on the surface of the tank?
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
David Sedaris
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
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