Quote

I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Mom
Majoring
Needed
Princeton
Bits
Announced
Actually
Attending
Would
Jealous
Temper
Enthusiasm
Dad

More quotes by David Sedaris

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God was someone I wound up turning over and over in my mind each night... Was He punishing me with this meal or was He rewarding me? Did He actively watch me or take me for granted like a fish you don't notice until it's floating on the surface of the tank?
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
David Sedaris
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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Most movies, I forget about them while I'm watching them. I go every single day. But I've never thought about participating in any way. It's like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me.
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
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I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.
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Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.
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I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
David Sedaris
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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