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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Would
Scary
Couldn
Imagine
Write
Anything
Firsts
Typeface
First
Typefaces
Writing
Yorker

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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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You really burden the reader if you put things in but, Oh, it's not interesting, but I'll put it in anyway. Then the reader's going to think, like, Mmm... no thanks. So the thing is to cut all that stuff out before its published.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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It didn't seem fair to me that Jon Stewart's rally didn't get the same kind of attention that Glenn Beck's did. Why was Beck's seen as checking the thermometer of the country, and Jon Stewart just dismissed as a satirist?
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Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
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When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.
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I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo. The time difference is so profound it's, like, already September in Tokyo, and I figured nobody would be able to work it out.
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