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I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Incapable
Gender
Object
Ridiculous
Fool
Objects
Assign
Making
Inanimate
Find
Occasional

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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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Most movies, I forget about them while I'm watching them. I go every single day. But I've never thought about participating in any way. It's like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me.
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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I've often lost faith in myself, I've never lost it in my family.
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In Japanese and Italian, the response to [How are you?] is I'm fine, and you? In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by Not so good.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.
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Sometimes people say, do you want a drink? And I say, oh, I'd like to, but I'm a tragic alcoholic. I always say tragic. I'm a tragic alcoholic.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is dangerous all of the time, and if it's not yet been pulled off the shelves, then it's certainly under investigation -- so there.
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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