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Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Little
Concealed
Scalp
Holding
Troublemakers
Fresh
Troublemaker
Perhaps
Razor
Maybe
Razors
White
Blade
Girl
Blades
Littles
Negro
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What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.
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It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
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My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local Eyewitness News broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline...Everything is dangerous all of the time, and if it's not yet been pulled off the shelves, then it's certainly under investigation -- so there.
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Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
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All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
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When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
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This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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