Quote

Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.

David Sedaris

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Girl
Blades
Littles
Negro
Little
Concealed
Scalp
Holding
Troublemakers
Fresh
Troublemaker
Perhaps
Razor
Maybe
Razors
White
Blade

More quotes by David Sedaris

Image
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
David Sedaris
Image
I always used to reach for the cigarette when the phone rang, and I figured nobody would ever call me in Tokyo. The time difference is so profound it's, like, already September in Tokyo, and I figured nobody would be able to work it out.
David Sedaris
Image
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
David Sedaris
Image
Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
David Sedaris
Image
You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
David Sedaris
Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
David Sedaris
Image
All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
David Sedaris
Image
It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
David Sedaris
Image
I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
David Sedaris
Image
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
David Sedaris
Image
I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
David Sedaris
Image
I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton of stuff going on in my life that I don't write about. If I need to write that stuff down, I write about myself in my diary.
David Sedaris
Image
In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl.
David Sedaris
Image
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
David Sedaris
Image
Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
David Sedaris
Image
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
David Sedaris
Image
Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you.
David Sedaris
Image
We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
David Sedaris
Image
Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
David Sedaris
Image
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, I've never killed anyone with a hammer or I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it.
David Sedaris