Quote

Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Concepts
Cocktail
Wall
Cocktails
Hear
Participate
Known
Besides
Wanted
Remove
Real
French
Life
Concept
Shampoo
People
Speaking
Headphones

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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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The drama bug strikes hardest with Jews, homosexuals and plump women who wear their hair in bangs. These are people who, for one reason or another, desperately crave attention
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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I would be writing and trying to write like Joan Didion. Or if I was reading Raymond Carver. You know, strong stylists. But that's how you find your voice, is imitating other people. So things like that didn't embarrass me, because I thought, well, that's how it goes. That's how everyone learns.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
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If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
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