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Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.
David Sedaris
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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
People
Speaking
Headphones
Concepts
Cocktail
Wall
Cocktails
Hear
Participate
Known
Besides
Wanted
Remove
Real
French
Life
Concept
Shampoo
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The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
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If I'm stuck, I get up from my chair and I wash windows. Or... clean the bathroom. Or vacuum the attic. There's always something to be done.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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I sometimes read books on my iPad.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
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I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
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There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
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I'm glad that I didn't have the Internet when I started writing. I started writing when I was 20 and didn't show a word of it to anyone until I was 28. I had the sense to keep it to myself. Now the temptation with blogs and such, they're just getting it out there maybe it would have been best to keep it to themselves.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
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