Quote

Besides, if I wanted to hear people speaking wall-to-wall French, all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as ‘real life,’ a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
People
Speaking
Headphones
Concepts
Cocktail
Wall
Cocktails
Hear
Participate
Known
Besides
Wanted
Remove
Real
French
Life
Concept
Shampoo

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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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I think if you write humor, then people don't - you know - they don't give you that much credit. They tend to think you just dictate your stories into a tape recorder. And I'm not necessarily insulted by that, because I think that just means that it looks easy.
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I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
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As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton of stuff going on in my life that I don't write about. If I need to write that stuff down, I write about myself in my diary.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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I see you that have a little swimming mouse
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The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. Nobody. It kind of bothers me now that you have to go to gay weddings, too. I don't care. It's still a wedding. And I would give anybody double gifts if they would elope.
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I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot of grief, but I'm pretty sure that after high school, this girl would have started anyway, especially if she chose the army over community college.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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It didn't seem fair to me that Jon Stewart's rally didn't get the same kind of attention that Glenn Beck's did. Why was Beck's seen as checking the thermometer of the country, and Jon Stewart just dismissed as a satirist?
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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It makes me wonder sometimes. Remember a couple years ago, when Mexicans went on strike? It was talked about a little bit but not that much. But some old white people, and there aren't even that many, they put bonnets on, and then they control the news.
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