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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Look
Looks
Enough
Right
Eliminates
Really
Plastic
Like
Speed
People
Smart
Doubt

More quotes by David Sedaris

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Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.
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If you are any kind of an artist, then validation . . . can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
David Sedaris
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
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Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
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There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
David Sedaris
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A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
David Sedaris
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
David Sedaris
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In Japanese and Italian, the response to [How are you?] is I'm fine, and you? In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by Not so good.
David Sedaris
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When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.
David Sedaris
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
David Sedaris
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
David Sedaris
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The drama bug strikes hardest with Jews, homosexuals and plump women who wear their hair in bangs. These are people who, for one reason or another, desperately crave attention
David Sedaris
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Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
David Sedaris
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I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
David Sedaris