Quote

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

David Sedaris

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Yorker
Reporter
Reporters
Treats
Everyone
Like

More quotes by David Sedaris

Image
Now, I like a church service, but this was one of those write-your-own-vows sorts of things. Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love.
David Sedaris
Image
But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.
David Sedaris
Image
The good thing about being gay, though, I always believed, is that you didn't make anyone go to a wedding. Nobody wants to go to a wedding. Nobody. It kind of bothers me now that you have to go to gay weddings, too. I don't care. It's still a wedding. And I would give anybody double gifts if they would elope.
David Sedaris
Image
This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
David Sedaris
Image
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
David Sedaris
Image
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
David Sedaris
Image
In Japanese and Italian, the response to [How are you?] is I'm fine, and you? In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by Not so good.
David Sedaris
Image
At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
David Sedaris
Image
You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?
David Sedaris
Image
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
David Sedaris
Image
Most movies, I forget about them while I'm watching them. I go every single day. But I've never thought about participating in any way. It's like being at home all day. It was never a goal to me.
David Sedaris
Image
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
David Sedaris
Image
The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
David Sedaris
Image
He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
David Sedaris
Image
The drama bug strikes hardest with Jews, homosexuals and plump women who wear their hair in bangs. These are people who, for one reason or another, desperately crave attention
David Sedaris
Image
I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.
David Sedaris
Image
there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
David Sedaris
Image
It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.
David Sedaris
Image
If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
David Sedaris
Image
There are certain people in my life who didn't care to be in my book. And so I cut them out. And I had broken up with somebody. And I was, you know, really upset and depressed. And so that was, you know, reasons to keep going.
David Sedaris