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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Started
Came
Firsts
Book
First
Seventeen
Writing
Twenty
Years
Twenties
Later

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My conscience is crosswired with my sweat glands, but there's a short in the system and I break out over things I didn't do, which only makes me look more suspect.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.
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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
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I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
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Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.
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whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
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At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he put down his fork and stared at me for a few moments. A bow tie announces to the world you can no longer get an erection.
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You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.
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Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
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I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous.
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but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
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The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
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If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
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