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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Mouths
Rules
Right
Feel
Sometimes
Feels
Yorker
Grammar
Mouth

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Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
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Such movies are always a danger...falling in love is something most adults have actually experienced...The theme is universal and encourages...unhealthy comparisons...why can't our lives be like that? It's a box left unopened, and its avoidance explains the continued popularity of vampire epics and martial-arts extravaganzas.
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... [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire to sit in a hard plastic chair and stare at a screen until your eyes cross.
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I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
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You really burden the reader if you put things in but, Oh, it's not interesting, but I'll put it in anyway. Then the reader's going to think, like, Mmm... no thanks. So the thing is to cut all that stuff out before its published.
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If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.
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I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
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Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.
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Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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There is a reason there is no such thing as a folk writer. But to be a writer you have learn what it takes to captivate a reader in order to make them turn the page. And in order to learn that, you have to read.
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I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
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If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?
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Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you.
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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
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Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.
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Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.
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All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.
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I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.
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I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
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