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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
Age: 67
Born: 1956
Born: December 26
Comedian
Essayist
Humorist
Writer
Binghamton
New York
David Raymond Sedaris
Long
Cases
List
Life
Idea
Lists
People
Keep
Figure
Stills
Havens
Change
Perspective
Still
Haven
Prospective
Ideas
Case
Slightest
Ever
Figures
Candidates

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It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
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When I taught, a lot of my students weren't big readers, so they would write something and I realized that they thought it belonged in a book. Like, they didn't know what the inside of a book looked like, you know what I mean?
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We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
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Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
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The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.
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Weird doors open. People fall into things.
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The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have to hold on to. If you're really desperate, you might need to grope, saying, for example, I've never killed anyone with a hammer or I've never stolen from anyone who didn't deserve it.
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It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shaky ladder, the crazy person who pins you to the linoleum and insists, with increasing urgency, that everything you know and love can be undone by a grape.
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A lot of people don't know what they want, you know, or they're just kind of vague about it.
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People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like.
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I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
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I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something. They want you to stow away on a ship, or something like that.
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The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.
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It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
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I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.
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