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When we notice a connection between our present fears and their origins in early life, we are finding out how much of our identity is designed by fear. Is fear the architect of me?

David Richo

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David Richo
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The challenge is to find our destiny in exactly what we are refusing to engage in.
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Early fear was felt cellularly and was indeed real. Defensive postures were necessary, but defenses generalize cellularly in adulthood and do not expire. It takes conscious work to undo them. Ironically, as long as we keep using defenses, we actually maintain the original force of the fear.
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There is a natural and inviolable tendency in things to bloom into whatever they truly are in the core of their being. All we have to do is align ourselves with what wants to happen naturally and put in the effort that is our part in helping it happen.
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To be adult in relationship is not to be conflict-free, it's to resolve conflicts mindfully.
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In the hero stories, the call to go on a journey takes the form of a loss, an error, a wound, an unexplainable longing, or a sense of a mission. When any of these happens to us, we are being summoned to make a transition. It will always mean leaving something behind,...The paradox here is that loss is a path to gain.
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The opposite of interpersonal trust is not mistrust. It is despair. This is because we have given up on believing that trustworthiness and fulfillment are possible from others. We have lost our hope in our fellow humans.
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The most exciting part of finding out who we are is discovering our own uniqueness, who we are outside the box, beyond the categories in a Psychology 101 textbook. In our inimitable singularity, there is an infinite range of possibility that cannot be tied to any one description of what it means to be human or healthy.
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Mindful grief means mourning and letting go of the past without expectation, fear, censure, blame, shame, control and so forth. Without such mindful grief, neither past nor person can be laid to rest.
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The foundation of adult trust is not “You will never hurt me.” It is “I trust myself with whatever you do.
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Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.
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In mindful grief, we become the landing strip that allows any feelings to arrive. Some crash, some land softly. Some harm us, but none harm us in a lasting way. We remain as they taxi away or as their wreckage is cleared away. We can trust that we will survive.
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We do not create our destiny we participate in its unfolding. Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.
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We were born with four words engraved on our bodies and in our hearts: Love me, hold me.
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A healthy person is not perfect but perfectible, not a done deal but a work in progress. Staying healthy takes discipline, work, and patience, which is why our life is a journey and perforce a heroic one.
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We can actually reconstruct our past by examining what we think, say, feel, expect, believe, and do in an intimate relationship now.
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Bread takes the effort of kneading but also requires sitting quietly while the dough rises with a power all its own.
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Fate often allows a future to take shape with no regard for our expectation, plan, or readiness. Fate's skillful editing of our life choices is like the careful grooming of lads on their first day of school: combed, polished, scrubbed, newly dressed, and glowing too. This is how we become ready for our life lessons.
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Synchronicity is a term used by Carl Jung to describe coincidences that are related by meaningfulness rather than by cause and effect.
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Humility means accepting reality with no attempt to outsmart it.
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Relationships are not about how two people can survive each other but about how the whole world becomes more capable of love, with all its dim anguish and glowing rapture.
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