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I don't like when performers rag on their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend in absentia. If they're not there, it just feels rude... I'm never going to say anything personal about myself on stage. That's my new goal.

David Rees

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David Rees
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More quotes by David Rees

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I would make a comic for Rolling Stone every two weeks, because they're biweekly. And then I would make weekly comics for my weekly papers. It was on two parallel tracks. And then they all got collected in a book.
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I was just worried that someone was gonna think that I had been commissioned by Jamba Juice to make cartoons about Jamba Juice. And the big thing for me was - if I'm not getting paid to sell out, I don't want people to think that I'm selling out.
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I've always liked Richard Pryor. I've always responded to rhythmic profanity.
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The time that I would spend revisiting my old Get Your War On strips is more profitably spent Googling myself and reading comments about how people hate my pencil-sharpening business.
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I talked to people in the pencil industry and I talked to people as I was sharpening their pencils about the frustrations they have with pencils, so I really did do my research and I do know more about pencils than most people.
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I don't think I would've ever dared dreaming of becoming a professional cartoonist. I wouldn't set myself up for that disappointment.
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I didn't dare to dream of making money. But now of course, I've made many thousands of dollars sharpening pencils.
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Talking about my personal life onstage, I've realized I'm not one of those comics who can do that. I can allude to it but I don't want to be a confessional performer.
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I've been really surprised about a lot of the negative comments about artisanal pencil sharpening. Like, it really rubs some people the wrong way.
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I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.
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I had good relationships with stores. And I was like, All right, I'll self-publish it. But I'm only going to do 1,000.
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I'm not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That's just a little hobby.
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To me, if you're lucky enough to make stuff that people will pay money for, do a good job. Really do a good job. Especially if you're talking about real stuff, like terror atrocities and human rights abuses and pencil-sharpening techniques.
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Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.
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I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.
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I just wanted a really simple, dramatic way so that fans, people who were reading my comic, would be like, This is something different. Just to flag it, almost.
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I hate self-publishing it's a real drag and it takes up a lot of space.
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I feel like really thinking about art and really appreciating it and learning the language of it just makes you more of a connoisseur. I believe that.
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The way you make money is to do something you don't like to do. And that's how you know you're a virtuous person.
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The type of pop culture that is honestly very moving and powerful to me is [when artists] do their homework. They make it real.
David Rees