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..I've been trying to argue myself into thinking these things don't matter, A. Really,I have. But I've lost the argument. And I can't keep having it, when I know what the real answer is.
David Levithan
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David Levithan
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 7
Author
Novelist
Writer
Short Hills
New Jersey
Matter
Real
Argue
Trying
Arguing
Really
Argument
Things
Answer
Thinking
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Lost
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Here's what breaks us: Even though we know better, we still want everything to be all right.
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We pencil-sketch our previous life so we can contrast it to the technicolor of the moment.
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All this hoping for something- or someone- that's maybe hopeless. I'm having a hard time processing what I am supposed to believe, or if I'm even supposed to. There is too much information, and I don't like a lot of it.
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It's one of the secrets of strength: We're so much more likely to find it in the service of others than in service to ourselves.
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There are many things that can keep you in a relationship, I say. Fear of being alone. Fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life. A decision to settle for something that's okay, because you don't know if you can get any better. Or maybe there's the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won't change.
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This is as much a part of my story as anything else. Friendship is love as much as any romance.
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Why do we even bother? Why do we make ourselves so open to such easy damage? Is it all loneliness? Is it all fear? Or is it just to experience those narcotic moments of belonging with someone else?
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Its almost scary how amateur I am when it comes to musicals - Im a musical goer, but I am not as obsessed with musicals as perhaps some of my theatrical friends are.
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Dullness is the spice of life. Which is why we must always use other spices.
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I say good-bye to the part of myself that misses him so much.
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I see Nick's number. I debate whether to assign a name to his number. If I commit to that, then I will truly be heartbroken if he never calls me again my heart will knot each and every time I use this phone and see his name in there. I would probably end up having to trash the phone entirely.
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This is the hard part about having best friends that I feel no attachment to -- I don't give them any benefit of the doubt. And being best friends is always about the benefit of the doubt.
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You could be the leaf that never falls from the tree you could be the sun that never leaves the sky this might be the happy ending without the ending this might be a reason to try
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There is no such thing as no choice. There is always a choice. The only question is whether it's a bearable one.
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