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You never let things go unanswered for too long. Emails. Phone calls. Questions. As if you know the waiting is the hardest part for me.
David Levithan
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David Levithan
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 7
Author
Novelist
Writer
Short Hills
New Jersey
Things
Calls
Never
Phone
Phones
Hardest
Questions
Waiting
Part
Unanswered
Long
Email
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It's almost heartening to think that the attachment you have can define your perception as much as any other influence.
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We always loved to say 'If I'd had a Monday-morning class, I never would have met you'. Or 'If you'd been reading something else, none of this would have happened'. We didn't believe in fate, but we believed in serendipity. We felt very lucky.
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I was horribly bookish, to the point of coming right out and saying it, which I knew was not socially acceptable. I particularly loved the adjective bookish, which I found other people used about as often as ramrod or chum or teetotaler.
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So I said I wanted you to stay, even though nothing could stay the same.
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You are so close, and I can’t reach you.
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I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.
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I see no sin in a kiss. I only see sin in the condemnation
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Here, she said. This is for you. I didn't really get you anything, I sputtered. I mean, I didn't know that you were going to be here, and-- Don't worry. It's your embarrassment at not having the thought that counts.
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It's as if when you love someone, they become your reason. And maybe I've gotten it backward, maybe it's just because I need a reason that I find myself falling in love with her. But I don't think that's it. I think I would have continued along, oblivious, if I hadn't happened to meet her.
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Please may this not be a game. Please may this not be a game. Because if it’s a game, I know I’m going to lose.
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I find I very rarely live up to my words. And since you know me primarily through my words, there are oh so many ways I can disappoint.
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To love--to fall--is not a question. To touch--to kiss--to speak--those are questions.
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I want to kiss her without counting the seconds. I want to hold her so long that I get to know her skin. I want, I want, I want.
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Getting what you want is just as difficult as not getting what you want. Because then you have to figure out what to do with it instead of figuring out what to do without it.
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That's what it felt like - that if I let a little of the hurt out, it would keep pouring out until I was a deflated balloon of a person, with a big monster of hurt in front of me.
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This is the thing they don't tell you about being a third wheel - it's not like you're the wheel that's added on. You were one of the original two wheels, but suddenly you're not so important anymore. The relationship drives fine without you.
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