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he is both the source of my happiness and the one i want to share it with.

David Levithan

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David Levithan
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 7
Author
Novelist
Writer
Short Hills
New Jersey
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Happiness

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Sorry to be so cynical, but this is New York
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You have to trust the words. They do not create anything more than themselves.
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Belonging. Togetherness. These words are as complicated and confusing as the word love. It’s probably all the same thing. Or it would be if we let it be. I can only guess from observation.
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It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored.
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I see Nick's number. I debate whether to assign a name to his number. If I commit to that, then I will truly be heartbroken if he never calls me again my heart will knot each and every time I use this phone and see his name in there. I would probably end up having to trash the phone entirely.
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Once the storm comes out, the landscape changes. What you had before is altered in some way. And you have a choice: build something new and better from what is left or abandon it.
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I try to convince myself that it's the alcohol talking. But alcohol can't talk. It just sits there. It can't even get itself out of the bottle.
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There are few things harder than being born into the wrong body.
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It's only a game if there is an absence of meaning. And we've already gone too far for that.
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Maybe language is kind, giving us these double meanings. Maybe it's trying to teach us a lesson, that we can always be two things at once.
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I can't pretend to know what love is. It just is.
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Yes, time can be buoyed by wordlessness, but it needs to be anchored in words.
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But I guess you don't see the planets when you're staring at the sun. You just get blinded.
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They don’t have silences together they have noise. Mostly his.
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tiny: but there is the word, this word phil wrayson taught me once: weltschmerz. it's the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be. i live in a big goddamned weltzschermz ocean, you know? and so do you.
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This is a difference between us: you desire what other people have, while I desire the things I used to have, or think I might have one day.
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I want to know why this is such a part of me. I want to know why this thing that happened to other people has happened so much to me. I keep looking for the lesson.
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Maybe there's a way to keep us in this moment. Not the sad part. But the coming together part.
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me: just don't ask about his forty-three ex-boyfriends, okay? or ask him about why he's carrying around an axe. mom:... me: i'm kidding about the axe part.
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And maybe it is only by finding yourself that you can feel the true intensity of becoming close to another person.
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