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But if I didn’t want to be alone, then why didn’t I want to be with anyone else?

David Levithan

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David Levithan
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 7
Author
Novelist
Writer
Short Hills
New Jersey
Alone
Anyone
Else
Didn

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I don’t want to throw everything away for something uncertain.
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The tenderness between two people can turn the air tender, the room tender, time itself tender. As I step out of bed and slip on an oversize shirt, everything around me feels like it's the temperature of happiness.
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Then I go in the den and turn on Law & Order, since the only thing i can really count on in life is that whenever I turn on the TV, there will be a Law & Order episode.
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willyoupleasebequiet: are you ready? bluejeanbaby: for what? willyoupleasebequiet: the future willyoupleasebequiet: because i think it just started
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There are times when I worry that I've already lost myself. That is, that my self is so inseparable from being with you that if we were to separate, I would no longer be. I save this thought for when I feel the darkest discontent. I never meant to depend so much on someone else.
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Sometimes the space between knowing what to do and actually doing it is a very short walk. Other times it is an impossible expanse.
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Love weaves itself from hundreds of threads.
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Things rarely get fixed the way they need to be.
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Yesterday is another world. I want to go back there.
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Every person is a possibility. The hopeless romantics feel it most acutely, but even for others, the only way to keep going is to see every person as a possibility.
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So what else can I tell you? I asked. I mean, to get you to reveal Lily to me.
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It’s as simple as that. Simple and complicated, as most true things are.
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I always think of each night as a song. Or each moment as a song. But now I'm seeing we don't live in a single song. We move from song to song, from lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. There is no ending here. It's an infinite playlist.
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I guess I don't believe these things can ever be easy, although I also don't see why they have to be hard.
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As if when someone close to us dies, we momentarily trade places with them, in the moment right before. And as we get over it, we’re really living their life in reverse, from death to life, from sickness to health.
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And still, for all the jealously, all the doubt, sometimes I will be struck with a kind of awe that we're together. That someone like me could find someone like you --- it renders me wordless. Because surely words would conspire against such luck, would protest the unlikelihood of such a turn of events.
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It was the most amazing feeling in the world. to know that something right happened, and to know that it had happened not through luck or command but simply because it was right.
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Falling in love with someone doesn’t mean you know any better how they feel. It only means you know how you feel.
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There are many things that can keep you in a relationship, I say. Fear of being alone. Fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life. A decision to settle for something that's okay, because you don't know if you can get any better. Or maybe there's the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won't change.
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The world, right now, is only us.
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