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I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.

David Levithan

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David Levithan
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: September 7
Author
Novelist
Writer
Short Hills
New Jersey
Torn
Suicide
Constantly
Killing
Everyone
Around
Suicidal

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tiny: but there is the word, this word phil wrayson taught me once: weltschmerz. it's the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be. i live in a big goddamned weltzschermz ocean, you know? and so do you.
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I don’t want to throw everything away for something uncertain.
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But there was something about you that made me think of sparks and motion.
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A photograph it a souvenir of a memory. It is not a moment. It is the looking at the photograph that becomes the moment. Your own moment.
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When you need to hold onto something, you should. Whatever gets you through, take it.
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And I'm moved, it's so beautiful. Not what I wrote, but to have it given back like this. To have her remember the words and the tune. To hear it in her voice.
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The important thing is for the characters to feel real, and to be given the humanity they are due. That granting of humanity is what separates a full portrait from a stereotype.
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It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can't even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph. It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It's simply a matter of is and is no longer.
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You have to trust the words. They do not create anything more than themselves.
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I would always wait to take you home.
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Her vulnerability is open, but she’s safe within it.
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You have to believe there are kisses and laughs and risks worth taking.
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Here's what breaks us: Even though we know better, we still want everything to be all right.
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The way you argued with me, you would have thought that we were debating the existence of God or whether or not we should move in together. These kinds of fights can never be won – even if you’re the victor, you’ve hurt the other person, and there has to be some loss associated with that.
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Maybe tonight you're scared of falling, and maybe there's somebody here or somewhere else you're thinking about, worrying over, fretting over, trying to figure out if you want to fall, or how and when you're gonna land, and i gotta tell you, friends, to stop thinking about the landing, because it's all about falling.
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People say that time slips through our fingers like sand. What they don't acknowledge is that some of the sand sticks to the skin. These are memories that will remain, memories of the time when there was still time left.
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You leave the phone on beside you as you fall asleep. I sit in my bed and listen to your breathing, until I know you are safe, until I know you no longer need me for the night.
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You are so close, and I can’t reach you.
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But we comforted ourselves with what we really meant to say, which was: I don't normally feel this good about what I'm doing. Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling. Everything else will be measured against it.
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I want to know why this is such a part of me. I want to know why this thing that happened to other people has happened so much to me. I keep looking for the lesson.
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