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Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Intern
President
Every
More quotes by David Letterman
I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
David Letterman
The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
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Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
David Letterman
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
David Letterman
Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.
David Letterman
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
David Letterman
Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!
David Letterman
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her.
David Letterman
Don't use your bedroom for work, unless you're a prostitute.
David Letterman
Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
David Letterman
You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
David Letterman
They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip.
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I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
David Letterman
The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
David Letterman
Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
David Letterman
Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David Letterman
I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
David Letterman
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.
David Letterman
I wish the iPhone people would design one that's black and has two pieces, and it plugs into the wall and you can pick one piece up and talk into it. I tell you, the whole time I had one of those old-fashioned plug-in phones, not once did I misplace it.
David Letterman