Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Intern
President
Every
More quotes by David Letterman
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
David Letterman
Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'
David Letterman
Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
David Letterman
I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
David Letterman
While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
David Letterman
In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?
David Letterman
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
David Letterman
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
David Letterman
Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.
David Letterman
Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
David Letterman
At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
David Letterman
A small handgun makes any TV remote control.
David Letterman
Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.
David Letterman
Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.
David Letterman
I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass, ... It's the first time I got dumped in my life.
David Letterman
Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
David Letterman
The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
David Letterman
You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that?
David Letterman
Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.
David Letterman
I went through one period when I smoked a surprising, a really breath-taking, amount of grass almost every night.
David Letterman