Quote

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.

David Letterman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Physically
Near
Anywhere
Number
Numbers
Regis
Hurt
Frisk
Call
Neck
Necks

More quotes by David Letterman

Image
Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
David Letterman
Image
I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
David Letterman
Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Term-inator.
David Letterman
Image
I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
David Letterman
Image
Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.
David Letterman
Image
Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat.
David Letterman
Image
Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.
David Letterman
Image
While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
David Letterman
Image
Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.
David Letterman
Image
Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
David Letterman
Image
Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large.
David Letterman
Image
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
Image
Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'
David Letterman
Image
The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
David Letterman
Image
The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
David Letterman
Image
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
David Letterman
Image
Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
David Letterman
Image
According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'
David Letterman
Image
The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David Letterman
Image
Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
David Letterman