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Life experience is the best teacher.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Best
Life
Teacher
Experience

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I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit.
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Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give up your seats.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
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There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.
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One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
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So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.
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I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
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I think the number one public-relations blunder Osama has made is that he lives in a cave-fortress and if there's one thing we've learned from it's that you can't trust a guy who lives in a cave-fortress -- Lex Luther, Captain Nemo, Dr. Evil. I'm telling you the list goes on.
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President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.
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Are you getting a big kick out of the Enron scandal? I find this interesting that whenever a big crisis starts, people start showing up in church. So, Ken Lay shows up in church this weekend. Church officials are still looking for the collection plates.
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Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
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Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.
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Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
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Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
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If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The television viewing public
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