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Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Mind
Vote
Individual
Keep
Doesn
Anything
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More quotes by David Letterman
A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?
David Letterman
Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'
David Letterman
Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.
David Letterman
Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
David Letterman
Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.
David Letterman
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
David Letterman
Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.
David Letterman
Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
David Letterman
Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
David Letterman
Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
David Letterman
In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
David Letterman
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
David Letterman
The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
David Letterman
Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
David Letterman
Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
David Letterman
Life experience is the best teacher.
David Letterman
Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.
David Letterman
Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
David Letterman
According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
David Letterman
Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
David Letterman
