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Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Elected
Miss
Missing
Says
Trump
Universe
Pageant
Interfere
Presidency
More quotes by David Letterman
CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk.
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Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I have been praying for every since I came to CBS. Bin Laden is planning a televised suicide or, as I call it, hosting the Academy Awards.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
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Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is Hey taxi. Two is What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales? And three is Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.
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When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
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I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.
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The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
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The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.
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Don't use your bedroom for work, unless you're a prostitute.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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