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Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Love
Like
Gun
Car
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John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further proof that this guy is out of his mind? Four wives? That's how al Qaeda gets you to become a suicide bomber.
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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
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The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
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You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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Mayor de Blasio wants to eliminate garbage. He believes New York City produces way too much garbage. Well, heck, forget about producing too much garbage. What about late-night talk shows?
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How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.
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Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.
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It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
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It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing — yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
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Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate.
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You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.
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Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
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Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it, she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'
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