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In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Hollywood
Oscar
Oscars
King
Kings
More quotes by David Letterman
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
David Letterman
They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.
David Letterman
Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.
David Letterman
Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew is coming. You drink it, you get a combination of type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
David Letterman
The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
David Letterman
Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
David Letterman
The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, 'If this van's rockin', I'm deleting emails.'
David Letterman
President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.
David Letterman
Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
David Letterman
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
David Letterman
Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
David Letterman
You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
David Letterman
Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.
David Letterman
Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
David Letterman
Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?
David Letterman
You know, we had the elections earlier in the week, and a dead woman, in Pennsylvania, somehow was on the ballot and she was elected to city council. A dead woman actually elected! And I'm thinking, well, I guess there is still hope for Al Gore.
David Letterman
How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.
David Letterman
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
David Letterman
I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.
David Letterman
