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In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Hollywood
Oscar
Oscars
King
Kings
More quotes by David Letterman
Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White House fence jumpers.
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Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
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Weak coffee is the greatest sin against humanity.
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?
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I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
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The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
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Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat.
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Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.
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Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
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Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
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Every year when it's Chinese New Year here in New York, there are fireworks going off at all hours. New York mothers calm their frightened children by telling them it's just gunfire.
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Mayor de Blasio said that whenever he goes to a Yankee game he gets sick and tired of people booing and giving him the finger. Hey, what do you want? You're the mayor of New York City. It comes with the gig, pal.
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Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
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It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.
David Letterman
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
David Letterman