Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Saying
President
Dazed
Political
Pundits
Two
George
States
Confused
Made
Bush
Gains
Keys
More quotes by David Letterman
I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
David Letterman
You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is back home in the United States. And we sent them some prisoners. The deal still has to be approved by President Obama and Bud Selig.
David Letterman
Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
David Letterman
Honey, what happened to ladies first? Husband replies, That's the reason why the worlds a mess today, because a lady went first!
David Letterman
Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
David Letterman
The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
David Letterman
Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China - oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.
David Letterman
Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.
David Letterman
Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
David Letterman
John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.
David Letterman
Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.
David Letterman
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
David Letterman
I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.
David Letterman
Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
David Letterman
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
David Letterman
Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global warming is so bad, we are now actually starting to warm up to Barry Bonds.
David Letterman
Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money.
David Letterman