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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Following
Sea
Dead
Call
Spill
Bigs
Spills
Gulf
Mexico
Oil
More quotes by David Letterman
Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
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You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
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Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death -- though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food.
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Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.
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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
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Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
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Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.
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Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn't even have time to finish their catcalls.
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Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'
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You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.
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My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.
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Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
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