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The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Walk
Cubans
Walks
Spill
Getting
Spills
Much
Gulf
Cuban
Miami
Mexico
Oil
More quotes by David Letterman
President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.
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Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.
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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
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Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
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I wish the iPhone people would design one that's black and has two pieces, and it plugs into the wall and you can pick one piece up and talk into it. I tell you, the whole time I had one of those old-fashioned plug-in phones, not once did I misplace it.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
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Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.
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The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins.
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Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.
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The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?
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Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
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I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
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In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?
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Do good things for other people.
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